Part 59: Playing Cupid

Playing Cupid

Music: Winter


Welcome to Winter 8. Winter 7 is now Link's wedding anniversary, but I highly doubt I'm going to play that long(and if I do I'll be skipping most of the year by going to bed immediately after waking up). It'll take three weeks for Pia to be pregnant, so I get to kill time until...

The 25th. Jesus christ. Possibly literally.

It'l be much less painful for you than it is for me, because you don't have to see the repetitive mining and fighting that takes up most of my days now.


Along with making intensely difficult recipes like tea.


In a cute touch, Pia now joins Link on the save screen.


And now for postgame-only questing. Specifically, this one chain of quests involving Gaius and Evelyn.



What? Why...?

"You think you were happy as a child? WHAT?"

I know I've felt how I feel now before...or I have a feeling I did.


Someone told me to snoop on Raven's diary after I got married, so I might as well.

A strange man appeared today. He says he doesn't remember anything about his past. That's awfully suspicious...
Suspicious?
These days, I've been thinking about Link a lot. I wonder why?
...
I spoke with Link today. Talking to him always makes me.happy...
...I shouldn't read any more.

I'm pretty sure this is the exact same diary text that we would have seen pre-marriage, but it's more heartbreaking now or something.


With that out of the way, Gaius.

Yes. So what did you need from me?
Well, ummm...
?
Umm...so...Actually...
I...I like Evelyn...!
I know.
What?!
I can tell just by looking. Like you have trouble speaking when you are around Evelyn.
I see...Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
What?
I want to tell Evelyn how I feel about her, but...When I'm around her, I get so nervous that I can't really speak. So I thought I'd ask you what I could do about it.
Hmmm, well...How about getting her a present first.
Well, she mistakes those for a gift exchange, and my closet's been getting full with new outfits...
Oh, so you've already tried that. Then how about--



But you're already married.
Oh, that's right.
Wait, that's your only problem with it?!
No, I was just kidding.
Oh. Then how about giving her an engagement ring?

All three options lead to that last point, so...

>ask her on a date?

I've tried that, too...I thought we were on a date, but then I was suddenly a clown. A real one.
Why?!
It seems like I was acting strange from my nervousness so she gave me a clown outfit.
W-Wow, that's harsh...Oh. Then how about giving her an engagement ring?

>an engagement ring?

...converges where all the others led to.



You'll need to do at least that if you want to get your feelings across to Evelyn.
Th-That may be true, but...
Do you want somebody else to take her away without getting your feelings across to her?
Uh...Th-That's......
Alright, I'll do it!
I knew you'd be up for it! And I'll do what I can to help.
Thanks! Well then, would you mind getting some Diamond for me? I just got an idea for a ring design. If I don't start shaping it soon, I'm afraid I'll forget.
Okay. Diamond, is it?
Yeah, thanks for doing this for me.

This is a terrible idea on several levels. I support it wholeheartedly.



Oh. Don't worry. I'll make her the greatest ring!
...


I conveniently have exactly one diamond in storage. I wasn't even planning ahead for this.

On the way back...


Quit reading RF1 spoilers, Carmen.

And they are so hard to catch. It'll really make you popular with ladies!
Although I can catch them myself, so I'd rather be given something else. Heh heh.



Well, I guess it's time to close for the day. I think I'll get started right away.
I'll wait here for you. I want to see this through to the end.
I see...
Well, I hope you're ready to witness the greatest work I've ever done!
Okay!



I'm finished...
Wow...
At first, you notice the outlandish design, but then you start to see all the details...! The artist worked hard to inject his artistry while still catering to a specific person!
This is definitely a ring made just for Evelyn!!
Link, you seem a little different...

Look, Link has Level 63 Crafting skill. He's allowed to notice these things.

!
I'm sorry. I guess I just got carried way.
Well then, we should get this to Evelyn.
Oh...



What is it?
Well...ummm, I guess when it comes to it, I...
I just can't...I'm scared.
...



...?
In the same way, people can't stay the same either. It's something you taught me.
You're right...
Thank you, Link. I think I can do it now. This is to thank you.
Well, I'm going to go now.
Okay. Good luck.


...goddammit.

Gaius forgot the ring!
I need to get it to him!



Gaius!



Oh, um...
(Here, Gaius)
Oh yeah! I forgot!
(Keep it together! You can do it!)
Oh....OK then!
I'll be leaving now.
Oh. Why not stay and have some tea?
I'm in a rush today. Bye then.



Shh! Be quiet.
Um...Um...Um....I...I really...Uh...!
I don't dislike....Although I don't like...
Um, me too!
That's not it!



We shouldn't do this...
But you're still listening in.
It's just human nature.



I want you to...
...
Gaius?
Here...!


Oh no, where could they possibly hide in this huge mansion.

...!


...yes, perfect. Undetectable.


Luckily Gaius is kind of distracted right now.

There she goes...
He didn't see us.
No. (Love is blind, right?)
Um, so where's Evelyn...?
... (And who was the one who said we shouldn't be doing this?)



...It's an engagement ring for me, isn't it?
She gets it?! (No way!)
It's a miracle.
What to do...
Huh?
Evelyn... (Is there someone else?)
I'm stumped. How can I make you clothes from this ring?
Huh?
...I see.
What? What does that mean?
Evelyn thinks that Gaius wants her to make him something from the item he gives her.
So, the engagement ring too?
So he'll get it back. (Along with clothing.)
Well then...
We should prepare to console him.
I'll think about it.


Poor, poor, Gaius.


Incidentally, our reward from Gaius is still back at the blacksmith's. Details!



...Um, Gaius--
Well, I can understand rocks. They're good listeners.
It's no use. His head is swimming.


Link may have been able to defeat a water dragon god, but he's powerless against the forces of anime cluelessness.


On that note, the Dragon Cave has a little blurb I missed the first time around. It's about what you'd expect.


Out of sheer boredom, I might actually use magic. A little.


So your wife keeps pretty much the same schedule post-marriage. This is kind of awkward in Pia's case because it means she leaves at about 8am and doesn't get back home until after 11pm. Although to be fair to her, Link's home equally little.

Also I gave her an accessory because I'm going to drag her dungeoneering with me and don't want her dying instantly.



Well, it's not anything like that...
Oh, and while I'm at it, here are a few presents that would be awesome for SQUIDFEST! Orange! Apple! Grape! And, of course, Squid!
All that?!


Fun fact: Pia still turns into a mermaid when it's snowing. But doesn't turn into a mermaid when there's just snow on the ground. Don't think too hard about how this works.




Newly married and we already have the option to be a huge douchebag, jesus.

Hmm, Oddward Valley!
We have lots of memories there.
Yeah!


Time to keep watching this trainwreck.



Including you.
I am happy to hear you say that.



Actually, I received another order from Gaius...
(It must be about the engagement ring.)
It seems like I could use some extra help with it.
I'd be happy to help.
Thank you. Then could you find out what Gaius likes? Like what type of girls he likes.
What?
I thought he'd be more comfortable sharing that with another man. I hope I can count on.you.
O-Oh, yes. (Evelyn, does she...?)


Fun fact: You can straight-up skip going to Gaius here. You'll see why once I report back to Evelyn, but for immersion's(and dialogue's) sake I'm going to Gaius anyway.


Wrong dwarf, but it's so rare he has anything new to say I might as well.

Really? I guess if you really think so, maybe it's fine the way it is.
I see...

>Silver'd be cool.

I can't really trust your sense of taste either...I guess it's fine the way it is.
...

Jeez, rude. Fine then.

>How about bald?

Are you stupid?! I'm not shaving my head!
I didn't think so.

Alright, time to talk to the better dwarf.



Because I like cute girls more than pretty ones...I think.
That's it?!
W-well, what about you? Why did you marry Pia?


Hmm, there's no 'a chittering mass of internet voices told me to' option. Problematic.

Well, going by the reasons goons gave for voting for her...

>She's funny.

Although there's only funny people who live here.
Yes, including you, Gaius.

Hey, he's one of the least insane people here!

>I felt a spark.

That seems unlikely.

Gaius: Unromantic, or just a realist?

>She's cute.

See. That's the same as me.

>She's pretty.

See. It's similar.


Back to Evelyn. The game makes sure you're really sure, presumably because you could bumble into this without having talked to Gaius at all.

Well, I'm ready.


And you can do that because these questions have nothing to do with what you ask him about! Instead you actually have to know his likes and dislikes off the top of your head. Correct answers earn you a heart emote.

Ah, he likes hot food, of course.

Comedy answer:

>Iron

He does gather them a lot.



Actually, he doesn't like anything cold.

Comedy iron answer again:

I'd like to see someone eat iron.


OK, I lied, there's exactly one question where it expects you to have talked to Gaius first.

Does he like younger girls, then?

...goddammit, game.

And joke answer:

>Doesn't care.

Well, does that mean he would be okay with men?

The joke is you'll never get a real gay option because this is a Japanese game.


This one is pure guessing, but the correct answer is 'kind'.

Hee-hee, that seems like Gaius. Very interesting. Now I just need to make the preparations.
Preparations?
Please go on ahead to Gaius. I'll be by soon.
Ah.



Evelyn?!
I'm sorry to keep you waiting.



Hello, Gaius.
W-What?!
Um, Evelyn. You didn't make Gaius an outfit?
Yes.
W-What's going on?
You made an engagement ring for me, didn't you?
Oh, y-yes!
So I've been thinking. How could I use that ring to make an outfit for you.
Huh...?
...
After thinking hard, I came up with an idea. I should just become your outfit. So, I thought I could put this ring on and walk by your side instead...
Is that a bad idea?


So close, and yet so far.

What?!
Then...Shall we go? Gaius.
Oh, sorry!


Incidentally if you get stuff wrong in the questions before, you get slightly different dialogue. Not significantly("You know, your whole outfit's gotta be coordinated. So. If I wore this ring here, and walked with Gaius, we'd look like a nice pair, right? Then with the ring on, I'd be like Gaius' fashion accessory." instead of the bits about becoming Gaius' outfit, and Evelyn tells Gaius to stop wasting her time instead of politely asking if they should go.), but still different.

Th-Thank you very much.
Gaius...Is this what you wanted?
Oh, well...
Gaius. You're not going, yet?



I-I'm coming!



Well, I guess it is what it is.
So, it's okay?



Well, if he's fine with it...


Sorry, other characters aren't allowed to change from the status quo unless the plot or the player's marriage says so.


Also I'll probably grow these gold turnips just because. There's no huge reason to at this point, but they're there.


With nothing else to do, it's time to do more crafting. Yaaaaaaaay.

The dekash is Pia's default weapon, which you may remember as a hilariously large fish. I'm showing it off here because I'm going to replace it with an actually good weapon. Sorry, Pia. Sorry, whimsy.


The family that murders together stays together.


I finish off our murder date with an actual date. Sadly there seems to be only one set of date dialogue post-marriage, and it's the same for every location. But hey, it's still worth seeing once.

Yeah, you're right. Let's rest here for a bit since it's so nice.
Yay! It reminds me of you proposing to me...when we date like this.
Yeah. I was so nervous.
You really surprised me!
Ha ha.


We didn't (sort-of) slay a dragon god for no reason!

What? Why?
Because I love you.
...Well I really love you, too!
I was really worried, too.
Yes...
We're just, so different and everything, you know? That's why, I thought I should go back to the sea.
What?!
But I really wanted to be with you, Fishy.


We may be in the frozen hellzone, but it's not as ice cold as the second option here.

So then...?
Yes.
So then, it's not a burden?
Of course. I proposed because I love you.
Yeah! Well then, let's be happy forever!
Of course!
Well then, I'll have to come up with some new baths to try!
You really like baths, don't you?
Yup! I take pride in my work.


Reminder that these are, in theory, the possibilities Link's coming up with unprompted.

Hmmm...Maybe a cheese bath...
Really?!

And because I had to:

>Squid

I think I've got some good broth, too...
Meaning...?
That was good.
Are you cooking me?!
Let's go back then!
Not to the sea, right?
No! To our home!


And then Link spent the rest of the night making Formula C. No moral. Not a metaphor. Just something to do. (The bits of the post game that don't involve new dialogue are kind of boring to play and really boring to write about, in case you can't tell from my boundless enthusiasm for it. Maybe I should sickle all my crops except for my token entry for the Winter Harvest Festival and just sleep through most of this? ...nah.)